Here’s How We Shopped For The ‘Right-Fit’ Senior Living Community
About a year ago… I was in your shoes.
After a decade of living in my duplex (as my best tenant ever), my mom had made the decision to move out of our shared home and into an independent living apartment in a senior living community. She wanted to find a place where she’d be with her peers. She was looking for a slower, easier pace where building social connections would be as easy as walking to her mailbox.
I won’t go into how hard this was for me… because this isn’t about me. Just like shopping for the right-fit senior living solution for your parents isn’t about you.
And to be clear, I’m only sharing this — because this is really hard… and for all the world-wide-web has to offer… the research was daunting. For a million reasons… but I’ll start with the simplest one. Because my mom gave me everything. And I wanted us to make the right decision.
And I won’t talk in big sweeping generalizations because every person’s needs are unique. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution. I’m sharing what we did in the hopes that this checklist helps you to learn (quickly) what makes senior living worth the often — very high price tag.
When you begin your search, start with a clear understanding of what your parent(s) needs today — and what they might need down the road. There’s a big difference between independent living, assisted living, and memory care, and finding the right level of support is key. Does your parent simply want freedom from home maintenance and more social connection? Or do they need daily support with medications, mobility, or memory? Knowing this will help you target communities that can meet both their current and future needs without disruption.
When you visit a senior community, pay attention to the atmosphere. Does it feel alive? Are residents engaged — chatting, playing cards, or laughing in the hallways — or sitting quietly and disengaged? Do staff members seem genuinely connected to the residents? At St. Rita, one of the things I’m most proud of is that our team knows every resident’s name, their story, and what makes them light up. That sense of familiarity and warmth can’t be faked. You can feel it the minute you walk in.
Transparency matters too. Ask questions with very specific answers. What I mean is. Instead of asking: Do the residents like living here? Ask: Do you publish your satisfaction surveys? Every senior living community surveys their residents. So ask if you can see what those surveys say (from the last 3 years). Is there an upward trend? Downward trend? Why? A community that is proud of its standards will gladly share that information. And don’t hesitate to visit at different times of day — breakfast, evening, or weekends — to see if the energy and care are consistent.
Finally, involve your parents in every step. For my mom, this was her decision, and I played a supporting role. I asked questions and I had a more scrutinizing viewpoint because I know what a major disruption moving can be (for her — and me!!). This is their next chapter, not just a move. Encourage them explore, taste the food, meet the staff, and see how it feels. When I watched my mother make her decision to move to St. Rita Square, I realized that her sense of comfort and control mattered most. Now, she’s surrounded by friends, participates in activities she loves, and enjoys the peace of mind that comes from knowing help is always nearby.
Top 10 Specific Things to Ask When Touring Senior Living Communities
For each bullet point here, come prepared with questions that require concrete responses. Like most industries, senior living has access to tons of data. Communities are constantly measuring satisfaction. They know where they need to make improvements. If you ask the right questions, you’ll quickly understand differences between the communities you’re considering.
- Resident Energy: Are people smiling, talking, or participating — or does it feel quiet and isolating? Watch body language. And engage with residents during a tour.
- Ask: Schedule a visit during a cocktail party and ask residents: How long have you lived here? What do you like best? Where is the biggest need for improvement?
- Staff Connection: Do team members address residents by name and with warmth? And likewise… do residents address care team members and other staff by name, too? Do you feel warmth in their interactions?
- Ask your tour guide: How many caregivers are assigned on each shift? Especially in Assisted + Memory Care. How long is typical tenure for care staff? How do you recognize performance? Low turnover often signals a positive culture where employees — and residents — want to stay.
- Cleanliness: Check corners, bathrooms, stairways common areas and hallways — not just the main lobby. The best communities stay spotless everywhere.
- Ask your tour guide: How many full-time cleaners are on staff? Do cleaners clean only common areas? How often are the exterior & interior windows and carpets cleaned — is it regularly scheduled (like every fall/spring)? How often is the dining room floor cleaned? Are the cleaners outsourced / contract staff sent to do the tasks? Or full-time W2 employees (so they get to know/understand the residents’ needs)? Ask residents: Do you feel this place is cleaned thoroughly?
- Dining Experience: Ask to sample a meal (then YOU choose the date — or you might be invited to a rare fancy dinner, etc). Ask to see how menus are chosen. Are meal options flexible? Is it freshly prepared? Often dining programs consistently score low on resident satisfaction surveys. Some communities look at this as a challenge they want to tackle and solve… some accept that offering a stellar dining program is too tough — and accept that residents will ‘always’ be disappointed; so they don’t attempt solutions.
- Ask: Are the meals considered to be on-par with restaurant quality? What are the biggest challenges with the dining program? What do residents enjoy most about the dining program? Does Independent Living offer a meal program? Is it different than Assisted Living? How? Why?
- Activities Calendar: Look for more than bingo — art workshops, music, outings, exercise, and social clubs all matter. Activities are also a great differentiator about what residents like about the community. For example, St. Rita Square is downtown Milwaukee, so we have a big focus on the arts. We have monthly excursions to local theater like Next Act, the Rep, Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, and Milwaukee Film Festival member screenings. Residents love this! It makes going to the theater more accessible (especially if someone has any mobility issues) and no parallel parking on busy streets!
- Ask: Can I meet with the Resident Clubs? Bridge, Quilting, Art, etc. Scrutinize the events and outings. Are they offering activities that will interest your parents? How often? Do you think this will be enough to keep them engaged and happy?
- This is your home. Do the environmental practices reflect your values? Do you see single-use plastic around the dining room? Cloth tablecloths? Cloth napkins? Or do they use plastic silverware? Plastic cups? Does the facility compost?
- Ask your tour guide: Does this facility have a focus on sustainability? What practices are offered to reduce / reuse / recycle?
- Emergency Procedures: What happens if a resident presses their call pendant at 2 a.m.? How quickly does the staff respond? How quickly will I be alerted if there’s an issue?
- Ask your tour guide: Can I see a copy of your Emergency Protocols? What happens if the fire alarm goes off at 2 a.m.? What happens if another resident is being disruptive? Do you have a formal process to “keep the peace”?
- How challenging is it to get a human? One of the toughest challenges for leaders at senior living communities is keeping up with labor trends. It’s bad. And it’s getting worse. When you call to set up an appt… how many times did the phone ring? How about when you call after 5PM? Because — remember it’s not just about when they “are trying to close the sale” that matters. After your parents sign the lease — and when you visit after hours/weekends — this will be your experience.
- Ask: When I visit on a weekend — how will I access the building? How is the front desk staffed Mon-Friday? And weekends?
- Progression of Care: It’s important that you have an option to upgrade care if the need arises. Example: From Independent Living today… to Assisted Living tomorrow.
- Ask: What is offered if we need Assisted Living or Memory Care? How is the cost determined? What if they don’t have space (no vacancies)? Do they currently have a backlog of people waiting for Assisted Living? Memory Care? What happens while people are waiting? Are families required to find supplemental care? Who pays for that?
- Maintenance Requests: Expect the unexpected.
- Ask: What if the elevator stops operating? What happens if there are gnats coming up from the kitchen drain. How are maintenance requests communicated so I know where my request is in the queue?
Side note: Since my mom moved St. Rita Square, I found an opening that matched my passion and desire to be of service so about 3 months after she moved in… I applied for a role as the Lifestyle Enrichment Coordinator — it’s been a dream job for me — for so many reasons. I was so ready to leave cubicle-land. And despite a 75% pay cut, I love my life + job! And the icing on the cake: My mom is 83 years young… she’s thriving, and truly part of a community. Watching her flourish here reminds me every day what “the right fit” really means.
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